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Friday, April 30, 2010

Illegal Alien Front Line

Here’s a lady of Hispanic descent who knows exactly why voter fraud plays such a big role in the Arizona Immigration Bill protest. With other states lining up to enact the same legislation it may make our politburo media and politicians put away their race cards.

This interesting group of illegal aliens decided to teach the IRS about other avenues of income border invaders can exploit. They certainly mowed into our tax department for a hefty sum of US taxpayers’ hard earned money. Go Arizona!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Goracle's Vacation Cottage

Al Goracle and his wife Tipper bought a new nine million dollar Montecito Villa. It's good to know saving the earth from imaginary threats is so profitable. Boy, the Goracle will have to unscrew a lot of light bulbs to offset his carbon footprint on this puppy. He has compared his crusade against Global Warming to World War II and fighting the Nazi's. I guess this is the Goracle's idea of getting down into the trenches... and boy... what a view.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Al Goracle Rainmaker

Here’s the big money trail to the Chicago Climate Exchange where the Al Goracle Global Warming acolytes predict a trillion dollar scam bonanza. It will not be big business or the Al Goracles of the world paying for this travesty of exchanging empty air for exorbitant fees. It will be us peons. Al will still be flying around in a private jet. The earth will still be cooling. The Political Hand Puppets will still be taxing the crap out of us for an imaginary problem with no fix. The media will still be hailing every snowstorm, hurricane, volcano, tsunami, earthquake and tidal wave as a precursor to the Global Warming apocalypse. And lastly, our leaders will be sapping away our way of life like a two foot long blood sucker in the Okefenokee Swamp.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

From Russia With Love

The Russians decided now would be a great time after the USA agreed to the most lopsided disarmament treaty in our history to start marketing a cruise missile system fired from a common shipping container to our enemies. Here are some interesting and terrifying facts for this new threat – nearly thirty percent of all shipping containers come out of China and there are a total of around 20 million containers making 200 million trips around the world in a year. Those are 2005 figures. With allies like Russia, who needs enemies.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Sharpton in Arizona

Al Sharpton has decided to bring his moral outrage to Arizona in protest of that state’s decision to enforce the law against illegal immigration.
Here are just a few shining moments in Sharpton’s career he bases his moral authority on. His extortion rackets against companies are too numerous to list here. Stay out of Arizona. They only wish to enforce the law you have spent a lifetime making a mockery of, Sharpton. You have been responsible for more innocent lives lost and ruined than anyone you’ve ever protested against. When you do pass from this life ‘Reverend’ it will be like a scene from the movie ‘Ghost’ when the bad guys die and demons come up out of the earth to drag their souls down to hell.

A 1983 episode of HBO's REAL SPORTS hosted by Bryant Gumbel featured an FBI tape of Sharpton discussing laundering drug money with a former mobster turned FBI informant, Michael Franzese.
Sharpton ordered by a court to pay his portion of a $345,000 judgment for slander during the 1987 Tawana Brawley hoax which led to violence in the streets over this race baiting degenerate’s championing of Brawley’s scam.

Sharpton inspired a 1991 deadly riot known as the Crown Heights Riot when he referred to Hasidic Jews as "Diamond merchants" and used other racist, anti-Semitic epithets. A 29 year old Hasidic student from Australia was then killed by a mob chanting, "Kill The Jew".

In 1995 Sharpton led a protest against a Jewish owned business, Freddy's Fashion Mart, from setting up a new location in an African American neighborhood. Sharpton incited such anti-Jewish hate a protestor inspired by Sharpton killed himself in a violent attack on the store culminating in an arson fire that took 8 lives.

As I stated at the beginning - these are only a few highlights from the 'Reverend's' career leading to the death or ruin of innocent lives. You can bet any appearance by hate monger Sharpton in Arizona will lead to violence and death which he will wave a dismissing hand at when responsibility for tragedy comes into question.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Arctic Ice - 4, Warmists - 0

Four years running now Global Warming Acolytes have tried trekking the Arctic in hopes of saving the Climate Mafia’s Carbon Credit Trading scam by convincing the world of the dreaded AGW. Instead they have had to be rescued from frostbite rather than Global Warming. These AGW follies remind me of how in the past every time Al Goracle scheduled a speech out of season, pushing his carbon fairy tale, the temperature drops below freezing. In exasperation, the Goracle now only goes out to deliver his ‘Earth Is Doomed’ pronouncements in desert climes. The idiots doing these Arctic stunts need to take a page out of the Goracle’s new rules of engagement – hike the Mojave Desert on a 100 degree day and claim it’s never been this hot before. It would save some fingers and toes. :)

Friday, April 23, 2010

Oddity Followup

On the Al Goracle Global Warming front Bolivian President Evo Morales claimed hormone-injected chicken could provoke male deviance. This revelation took place at a ‘Climate Change Summit’ meeting. Naturally President Morales’s statement provoked the usual kneejerk reaction one would expect – but is his goofy thesis any stranger than claiming every single natural event on earth is a harbinger of destruction due to Global Warming? I think not.  :)

Women on the Internet are hopping mad about the whacko Iranian Cleric’s accusation their immodesty causes earthquakes. Jennifer McCreight has enlisted 20,000 women to show cleavage all at the same time in an empirical effort to prove it doesn’t cause earthquakes. As one who prays for divine intervention in repairing cars at my shop, I’m a poor one to take sides in this dispute. I await the results of this study with great interest. For Jennifer’s sake, I hope the earth remains calm during her research team’s cleavage show.  :)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Please Lord

Please, if you’re an atheist and cannot stand to read even a simple anecdote acknowledging God humorously, click away from here for your own sanity. Otherwise, don’t claim I didn’t warn you.  :)
As I’ve explained to my wife many times most mechanics believe in God. We pray all the time. Any professional mechanic who insists they have never silently closed their eyes and thought ‘please Lord let this thing run right’ after endless tedious hours of work with sometimes thousands of dollars riding in the balance makes other atheists pale in comparison. Heck, on many jobs I throw in the ‘Twenty-Third Psalm’ happily for good measure. ‘Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death’ is relevant when taking spark plugs out of some Ford disaster prone engines that seize the plug threads, sometimes resulting in hours of labor and special tools to remove the pieces or even taking the heads off. It isn’t because if something bad ends up happening that we wrench-heads blame God. We don’t compare ourselves to soldiers in a foxhole, but like them we take comfort in our heartfelt prayers. On to my anecdote.
I worked on a 1999 Toyota Corolla with 1.8L engine this past week. It came in on a tow truck with blown head gasket and no fuel pressure… not that they needed fuel pressure on a car with no compression but I have to determine all the factors necessary for the Toyota’s return to the road. On this particular engine the timing chain front case along with everything attached around it has to come off before the head can be removed, adding four hard labor hours to the job if you plan on testing the chain and guides with tensioner replacement. I did.
The machine shop I use for engine work needed to repair the head surface but told me all the valves and seats were in first class shape on this dual overhead cam work of art. Great! I hustled back to the shop and began reassembling the engine, skipping the step where I bolt the cams in place and test valve clearance before putting it on the car. After all, no valve placement was disturbed in cleaning and seal replacement so I put the lifters back over the valves in the exact same holes they came out of and got to work. Hours later with engine reassembled after complete fuel system overhaul, including the in tank pump, filter, regulator and new injectors it was time to start the Toyota with scanner hooked up.
It fired right up but was shaky and my scanner’s reading a misfire on #4 cylinder. Immediately, my transgression with not checking the valve clearance off-car smacked into my brain, setting off familiar signs of impending asphyxiation if I didn’t start breathing again. Some radio station is blasting out old rock on the neat sound system while I trudged to the hood area, staring down at my vibrating gem. I’m stringing together Our Father’s, Hail Mary’s, Acts of Contrition, and Twenty-Third Psalms as if my feet stood on the precipice of hell. Yeah, I’m a drama queen sometimes… but only silently when no one’s around. I start reminding myself I still had my health and the family was fine. It was only a car… uh huh… right.
I shut it down, pulled the valve cover off and sure enough a #4 cylinder exhaust valve had no clearance between cam and lifter. This means it’s open all the time - therefore no compression. I confirm the suspicion with my compression gauge as a dark cloud forms over me like that kid in the 'Peanuts' comic strip. It means front case and timing chain removal if I need to unbolt the back cam and put in a corrective lifter for valve clearance on my recalcitrant demon exhaust valve. The string of hours and parts impact flows into my skull, interrupting my inner prayer chant for a moment. I walk away from the Toyota to clear my head and finish other jobs on the schedule, all the time fighting off panic while I rack my brain for another solution.
About this time an old truck pulls up in front and a guy gets out requesting the loan of tools. Not hearing him with the Toyota ringing in my ears I rattle off my no tools loaned policy and turn away. He calls out it’s just a loose cable. I stop, walk back to his truck and ask him to show me. I reinsert his battery cable into the aftermarket post clamp and tighten it. I’ve fixed something and I needed a good deed done. As he happily drives off, I take a deep breath and repair the rest of my work load.
Later, I quit avoiding my mechanical albatross. Instead of disassembling the engine, I decide to make real sure there isn’t something else wrong with other stuff incorporated in the job. No use tearing into it without a clear picture. It’s like when the guy on death row writes a last note before they hook him up to ‘old sparky’. With my prayer chant comforting me, I bolt the valve cover back in place and start the engine. While watching it shake, I keep track of my scanner readings for temperature and sensor readings. I then test the air conditioning which nearly stalls out my shaker. Satisfied the ac, lights, dashboard gauges, etc. are all working correctly, I go out to work the throttle with scanner in hand so I can gauge whether my fuel system work looks okay. I work the throttle manually with my hand a few times while chanting every prayer I still remembered from my youth including the Apostle’s Creed. The engine suddenly smoothed out as if the hand of God reestablished clearance on my woefully tight exhaust valve. That’s not the funny part of this story. That’s the picture me on my knees with my hands clasped in joyous supplication part.
The funny part was the oldies radio station starts playing a string of songs very familiar to me while I’m praying this mechanical miracle isn’t my imagination playing tricks on me. See… I buy singles on Amazon and put together my own mixes of songs. I’m odd that way. Singles I jam together on a CD vary according to my own weird taste. The Toyota radio is blasting out Angel of the Morning, Toto’s Africa, Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow, Night Moves, House of the Rising Sun… you know combinations a station doesn’t normally play… ever. I get the chills. They’re all my singles. I take it as a warning that ‘hey, Sparky, that Toyota ain’t running smooth all because of your expertise’ – just a reminder I fervently acknowledge while the hit parade plays on.
So in conclusion, many times when we look for God’s presence, we find it in some very odd places. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. :)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Old Man

A friend sent me this. It may be an old one for all I know. Since it was my first time seeing it, I thought I'd pass it along in case anyone else hadn't seen it.  :)

An  elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several  years. 

He  had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming,  so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and  some apple, and peach  trees. 

One  evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he  hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. 

He  grabbed a five-gallon bucket  to bring back some fruit. 

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and  laughing with glee.  

As  he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women  skinny-dipping in his pond. 

He  made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep  end.

One  of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you  leave!' 

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down  here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the  pond naked.' 

Holding  the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the  alligator...' 

Some  old men can still think fast.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Extramarital Sex and Earthquakes

A senior Iranian Cleric claims extramarital sex and dolled up women cause earthquakes. I know your first reaction involves laughter, but how far removed from the Climate Mafia’s claims of global warming causing everything from acne to volcanoes is the Cleric’s revelation. The Cleric sees Iran experiencing an earthquake while observing what he thinks is lewd behavior (in Iran that could mean a woman cavorting around in a burka with detached veil) puts two and two together and comes up with his hypothesis. A Global Warming acolyte uses less of an empirical method than the Cleric does. The AGW hucksters observe a hundred degree day in Atlanta, Georgia sometime in August and pronounces it a global warming phenomena. The Al Goracle crowd endures an Oklahoma blizzard in January and announces the snowstorm proves global warming in some whacked out way. A hurricane strikes the Gulf Coast during hurricane season and the AGW carnival barkers saturate their accomplices in the media with fabricated nonsense blaming global warming for that event too. When you compare empirical data observations from the Cleric and the Climate Mafia the Cleric appears to be more of a scientist. At least the Cleric isn’t demanding money to stop the earthquakes. If we send the Cleric to Iceland he’d probably find enough scantily clad women to blame for the volcano there. At least his theory of prayer and chastity would be a more equitable solution than taxing the earth’s population into another stone age for the purpose of stopping naturally occurring phenomena. :)

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Climate Mafia Erupts

I no sooner make light of the climate mafia blaming global warming for the Icelandic volcano in jest then they do exactly that. Of course they’ve added the vital sky is falling qualifier word ‘may’ and they aren’t blaming AGW for Iceland’s volcanic eruption directly – but watch out, these researchers warn, the ice melting will probably cause even more violent quakes and fissures. Two things to point out here to the hucksters – ice is at a ten year high and secondly, some of us aren’t going to let you get away with establishing this ludicrous baseless claim and then point to it in the future as a see I told you so moment when nature strikes. Earth will have future volcano eruptions and quakes even if we all got on a spaceship tomorrow and headed for Mars. Good Lord, this tax us until the earth is safe scam is irritating in its complete idiocy.

Even the BBC, one of the original carbon market perpetrators, conceded a much more violent volcanic eruption in 1783 wiped out a fifth of Iceland’s population and tens of thousands in Europe. Well, what do you know, back on the pre-AGW earth before man could do much more than exhale CO2, nature struck with catastrophic efficiency anyhow – and will again whether the climate mafia taxes us to prevent it or not. I say let’s dump the carbon markets and carbon taxes and take our chances with nature. At least we know nature won’t be flying around in private jets amassing fortunes on our tax money.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Mother Nature Strikes

The Icelandic Volcano did more in the last couple days to actually affect short term global warming, cooling, and breathing than man has done since the start of the industrial age. Since we can’t put a cork in earth’s volcanoes or shut off quakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, or snow storms, this incident illustrates how pathetically stupid the climate mafia’s Don Quixote attempts at altering global climate really are. Strutting around in arrogant presumption of God-like power to control earth’s temperature by taxing all us global peons into the poor house is a crime against man and nature. I know... I know... the Icelandic Volcano was caused by man-made global warming... oh barf!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Big Trouble In New Delhi

India doesn’t need terrorists to set off dirty nukes in their country. The enforcement of laws pertaining to nuclear waste are so lax they are suffering casualties at scrap metal markets. The Indian officials haven’t found the source or the folks who dumped it. If Cobalt-60 can end up tossed around at a scrap metal market in New Delhi it doesn’t take much imagination to envision a bunch of it being propelled into the crowded air of a major city in the USA by a simple explosive.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Arizona Votes To Enforce The Law

Arizona decided it would be prudent to stop illegal immigration before the religion of peace’s Somali ‘300’ sets off a dirty nuke or bio weapon. Because Arizona decided they have Americans there who will do not only the jobs they normally do but also jobs the politicians say they won’t do, the state will also benefit from dropping unemployment numbers, slammed emergency rooms, overcrowded schools, lower crime stats, and Arizona ranchers might get some real help at the border war front line. Latino Americans make up over thirty percent of the Arizona population and contrary to what race baiters in the federal government, La Raza, and the media hype every day, they don’t think it’s racist to protect our laws, our borders and our way of life – the vast majority of these citizens either immigrated legally or trace their roots to before Arizona became a state. Arizona is ground zero. If they are not allowed to enforce our laws why do we even have law? Somehow, it’s okay for illegal aliens to murder an Arizona rancher but it’s racist to enforce our immigration laws in order to prevent it? I hope not because if the race card gets pulled for every law protecting our country, we will soon not have a country to protect.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Here's Some Good News

It’s too bad ‘24’ is going off the air. A real life situation with a Virginia man, Anthony Joseph Tracy, smuggling 300 Somalis into the country with help from the Cuban Embassy in Kenya will need Jack Bauer’s help. ICE Agent Thomas Eyre admitted due to Tracy’s thorough smuggling efforts, ICE can’t find them. Tracy by his own admission has ties with a Somali Terrorist organization Al Shabaab. I’m sure the Somali ‘300’ are just here trying to find work. That’s why Tracy used the Cuban Embassy to sneak them into the country by way of Kenya to Dubai to Moscow to Cuba to South America to Mexico and finally northward into the land without borders. Maybe there are some openings at Los Alamos National Laboratory or the Pentagon where these Somali Religion of Peace followers can find employment while the FBI prosecutes the Hutaree Militia.

Sunday, April 11, 2010


If you’re looking for a bright spot in all the rehashed TV shows and supposedly new and exciting debuts only one stands out so far – ‘Justified’. The show is based on Elmore Leonard’s novels Pronto and Riding the Rap. Timothy Olyphant from Deadwood fame plays US Marshall Raylan Givens. He doesn’t have a sister or Mom like Brandy and Jinx from In Plain Sight. He doesn’t cry like some of the other Metro-Man characters in other cable shows. Marshall Raylan Givens is one step ahead of the bad guys. Raised by a Dad who was in trouble with the law for being both a leg breaker and a conman, Raylan doesn’t fool easy. When he orders the outlaws to surrender, you can count on them either being in handcuffs or dead within the next few seconds. The shooting will be as Raylan tells his boss in the initial episode – Justified. In one of the most recent episodes, Raylan arrives on the Mexican border trying to save a guy he wants as a witness that the mob wants dead. He calls in for backup but when he sees two mob guys warned at the beginning to leave or die Raylan adds three words to his request… and an ambulance. The mob guys end up needing a hearse instead.
I’ve already read reviews of Justified being over the top, unrealistic, blah… blah… blah. If you want real come on over to my neighborhood in Oakland where bad guys execute cops instead of the other way around. I don’t want to watch Sons of Anarchy outlaw biker gangs running drugs and weapons corrupting everything around them to the point you don’t have anyone to root for but the bad guys. The TV execs Metro-Man all the lawmen in every cop show to the point they might as well wear dresses and high heels while making all the women officers into Rambo – even the ones that are around four feet tall. Justified puts a cowboy hat and boots on a US Marshall packing a weapon he knows how to use. Oh hell yeah!  :)

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Something Else

If you haven’t experienced my namesake, Bernard the Polar Bear, this is a very funny sample. The cartoon on You-Tube follows the travels of a hairless Polar Bear tasting life away from the ice. This one is a table tennis match between Bernard and his penguin sidekick.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Freaky Physics

According to the experiment highlighted by this article parallel universes exist. It makes for some very interesting plotlines. The stories might even be mainstream reality rather than science fiction. Imagine an unlimited number of outcomes in one life all happening at the same time or time travel actually possible. In one of these parallel universes I might be a world famous author who fixes cars and trucks as a hobby. :)

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Please Take My Princess

For the first time in the multitude of E-mail scam letters I get, I’ve been contacted by a Princess. Now I like all of you I’m sure have won an imaginary fortune from Google, Yahoo, Microsoft, UK, Irish, BMW, Toyota, et al lotteries. We’ve read the sad stories from the Mohammed Abdul, Kipkalya, Akala, Badar, and innumerable Nigerian families all wishing to have us take their fortunes for reasons too ridiculous to repeat. Now, I have a Princess with an E-mail tagline of latipher2010 wanting a relationship with me while I invest her fortune and take 30% off the top plus interest. Wow! Who knew I had achieved such worldly fame. Since I’ve already won imaginary billions of dollars and I have a wife who knows how to use a knife, I think I’ll have to pass on the Princess’s generous offer. If any of you others want a taste of royalty though please feel free to write my friend the Princess.  :)

“Dear Friend,

How are you today,i hope fine?I am a female student from University of Burkina-Faso, Ouagadougou. I am 22 yrs old. I will love to have a long-term relationship with you and to know more about you. I would like to build up a solid foundation with you in time coming if you can be able to help me in this transaction. Well, my father died earlier 1 year ago and left I and my junior brother behind. He was a king, which our town citizens titled him over sixteen years before his death.I was a princess to him and I am the only person who can take care of his wealth now because my junior brother is still young and my late mother is also late two years ago before the death of my Late father. He left the sum of USD 5,500, 000.00 dollars (Five Million, Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars)in a security company.

This money was annually paid into my late fathers account from Gold Exploring companies operating in our locality for the compensation of youth and community development in our jurisdiction. I don't know how and what I will do to invest this money somewhere in abroad, so that my father's kindred will not take over what belongs to my father and our family, which they were planning to do without my present because I am a female as stated by our culture in the town. Now, I urgently need your humble assistance to move this money from the security company to your bank account after which i come over to meet with you. and I strongly believe that by the grace of God, you will help me invest this money wisely.

I am ready to pay 30% of the total amount to you if you help us in this transaction and another 10% interest of Annual After Income to you, for handling this transaction for us, which you will strongly have absolute control over. If you can handle this project sincerely and also willing to assist me in lifting this fund,i need your picture and your details.Do send it to me before tomorrow morning.This is my home address,From Burkina Faso in West Africa.Home Address: Rue 54 ave. LOUDIN;”

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Airport Security Triumph!

At least airport security can stop the dead from boarding. Here’s a little article about two women trying to sneak a dead man on board an airliner. You have to smile at this because it is so macabre. I anxiously await an article on their reasoning for this caper. I avoid flying when I’m alive. I hope my offspring don’t try dragging me around on an airliner after I assume room temperature for a last ‘Weekend At Bernie’s’ spinoff.  :)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Salamander Crossing

Residing in a state where some of the most bewildering and flat out stupid things happen every day with our tax money should bolster my ability against being surprised by political idiots blowing money they don’t earn. Even I did a double take at Vermont’s $150,000 tax grant for a salamander crossing. Elected representatives who invent insane ways to spend taxpayer money should face immediate recall so the folks actually earning the money these self important jerks waste can send them back home where they can throw away their own money.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Oratory For The Ages

I am linking today with another site so those stopping by can read one of the greatest pieces of oratory I’ve ever read or heard. On this link you’ll find an excerpt from a Richard H. Cain speech on the floor of the House where he was a member from the Republican Party which at the time had the only serving black representatives. Compared to the race baiters today this ex-slave knew hardship and tyranny in its most base form. Representative Cain’s speech, rightly proclaiming denial of education as the worst kind of slavery, should be read by every student in America. Brilliant examples like Richard H. Cain’s speech should be used as a shining beacon illuminating the utter stupidity in resenting and avoiding the education available to our young people today.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Easter Sunday

I am the resurrection, and the life, saith the Lord: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live. And whosoever liveth, and believeth in me, shall never die. St. John xi. 25, 26.

Without faith, life takes on the face of endless sorrow without meaning. Faith comforts in a way nothing on earth can mimic, lighting our way through a world of shadows. On this Easter Sunday may faith ease your burden… if only for a moment.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Bad News On The Russian Front

It didn’t take long for Russian dictator Putin to get over the terrorist attacks on his country to make a deal with another terrorist dictator, Venezuelan El Presidente for Life Hugo Chavez. Putin agreed on a twenty billion dollar plan for Russia to give Chavez nukes and space tech. Putin knows those two items will not be joined by Chavez for energy and space exploration, but for building weapons capable of hitting within the United States. This is as dangerous a deal as missiles to Castro during the Cuban Missile Crisis. The deal comes at a time when Uncle Hugo’s popularity in Venezuela was sinking faster than the Titanic - thanks mainly to the dictator’s turning Venezuela into a Marxist totalitarian state with the populace slowly starving to death. If Putin and Russia would stay away from Chavez for a while, the Venezuelan people would have had a chance to overthrow the whack-job. In Putin’s defense, you can take the man out of the KGB, but it’s nearly impossible to take the KGB out of the man.