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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

I received an e-mail today from someone in Kansas with a car problem – not unusual because I get around twenty a day asking car questions. Here’s the unusual part even for an e-mail.

(‘Hi, my car’s stalling. What’s wrong with it?’

This actually happens quite frequently when a customer drives a vehicle into the shop and asks this. Getting an e-mail from a stranger in Kansas asking it has a humorous side. Most of the people commenting on my vehicle posts on the blog sense they need to at least tell me the year, make, model, and engine size. After writing back asking for basic information and a more detailed description of the symptoms I received this answer:

(‘I don’t give out personal information on the Internet. Just take your best guess.)

Okay, I did get a good laugh reading that this morning, and so did my wife when I read it to her. Funny or not, I had no intention of writing an e-mail book on all the things that could be wrong causing a stalling problem. I wrote back - ‘My best guess is that I guess you ought to ask someone else’.

To which I received this gem:

(‘F$&* YOU! I asked a simple (expletive deleted) question and you blow me off! What kind of (expletive deleted) tech blog is this?!!!’)

It went on and on for a couple paragraphs, the last of which was in all caps. By that time I’m howling in laughter on the couch before work with the laptop in my lap and my wife peering over my shoulder. The e-mail concluded with the person’s first name instead of initials, all in caps still – Mary. My wife nearly choked when she read to the end.

“It’s a woman!” St. Joyce gasped.

“So, what’s the big surprise? I’ve heard you go off worse than that.”

St. Joyce is appalled. “Never! I’ve never…” She stops abruptly because St. Joyce knows I have nearly a photographic memory for past dialogues and events. One look at me already chuckling, eager to refresh her memory, and she shuts down the conversation with a quick shun.

“Don’t even think about it! I have to go to work.”

The only drawback was I had to delete about ten Mary spam slams on my vehicle blogs until Google figured out I had decided Mary was not welcome. They blocked her from the comments sections and all was fine with the world. The event put a smile on my face most of the day, and I’m sure I can figure out a way to bring up a couple of St. Joyce’s more colorful conversational events when I get home.  :)


raine said...

Mary was an interesting character, wasn't she? :-X

As for the rest...some of the most colorful cursers I've known were women, lol. Maybe because it often IS unexpected. :)

BernardL said...

Yeah, I checked Mary's IP address on Stat Counter so I can track any other tirades she might attempt under a new persona. Broken cars can really bring out the worst in folks. I'm glad to help, but rattling off a couple thousand words of advice without even basic model reference is not appealing to me. Vehicles today all have their own pattern failures, quirks, and electronic glitches. Mary had no trouble firing off a couple hundred word diatribe, but revealing the specifics on her vehicle was too much? Really? :)

I've been married to a colorful curser for a long time, Raine... with selective memory of course. :)

Charles Gramlich said...

She must be sisters to the woman who went off on me in our writing group.

BernardL said...

Now that you mention it, Charles, they do seem to have the same tendency toward nonsensical outrage. :)