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Monday, November 24, 2014

A Dream That Cannot Be

After making it nearly to 24k words in my new Hard Case novel, Blood and Fear, I walked tonight as I used to walk with my wife Joyce. A stanza from ‘Les Miserables’ I Dreamed a Dream haunted me the entire walk this night. It is unfortunate there truly are dreams that can never be.

'And still I dream she'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather!'

When we were young.


Charles Gramlich said...

Love these pics, man. I can feel the warmth.

Bernard Lee DeLeo said...

Yep. Thank you, my friend. My kids will like these two I dug up.

Vesper said...

Wonderful memories in these pictures, Bernard.

Allow me to share a quote with you.

"Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!" - Henry Scott Holland

Bernard Lee DeLeo said...

They were indeed, V. While I appreciate the sentiment in Mr. Holland's 'Death is nothing at all', the opposite is true. It killed the dream. I told Joyce's Mom I wish there were words to ease the pain, but they don't exist - not mine, not Mr. Holland's. I will work at what I have advised my kids - do every day what would make Joyce proud. Unfortunately, there come brief moments in the darkness where nothing is left to do, and with them the realization there are truly dreams that cannot be.

raine said...

Vesper, that is truly beautiful.

Bernard, wonderful photos. You have a lovely family. Such priceless memories you must have.

Bernard Lee DeLeo said...

Thanks, Raine. The first one was taken on the porch of a cabin we rented at Lake Tahoe a few times each summer. Nearly every stay, one of us would win enough at the casino to pay for the cabin rental. We'd take turns staying at the cabin with the kids while the other tried their luck. Neither Joyce nor I were into gambling, so if we scored a couple of jackpots, the winner would head back to the cabin with bragging rights.

Jordan Summers said...

((((HUGS)))) I cannot imagine the kind of pain you are going through. Hang in there. I know this holiday season is going to be rough.

Bernard Lee DeLeo said...

It is, my friend, a nightmarish time. After over forty years together, I lost her in the space of a couple months in the most agonizing way I could have imagined. Each day now, a moment comes after waking, I face anew the realization I will not hear her words, her laugh, or see her smile at me. Thank you for your kind words, Jordan.