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Monday, June 8, 2009

Movie Review

I rented ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’ this past weekend. As the film dragged on, I kept hoping for Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum to show up and kick the crap out of the alien swarm. When Independence Day made a fortune at the box office, I mistakenly figured a string of well made flicks with us kicking alien ass would follow. Instead, Hollywood needed to get back in line –all the creatures of earth are sacred except us crappy humans. The all knowing alien had to travel a zillion miles for an earth professor (crappy human) to let him know we all change at the brink if we have a chance. Huh?! Hollywood managed to dump on everything they hate at one time here: America and our way of life. I bet the producers of this human snuff film clapped their hands in glee as they showed all the snakes, birds, and insects going into the spheres to be saved while barring the door to the blight on the universe: us human cockroaches. They didn’t show any dogs and cats going into the spheres because they love us and refused to go. :)

I noticed they didn’t show earth six months after Hollywood spared the human race by turning out our lights. That’s because there would have been no power to store food. We human cockroaches adapt when aliens take away civilization. The weak die and we eat anything that moves, just like the sacred animals. As in all simpleton solutions like the end of this movie, the shortsighted morons didn’t realize without civilization there would be no movies. After you dolts turn off the power, guess what? There’s nothing more useless for survival than producers, actors, and actresses. They consume but produce nothing. That could have been the reason earth six months in the future didn’t make the big screen – we would have eaten them. :)

"Klaatu barada nikto" Oh, bite me.

11 comments:

Jordan Summers said...

LMAO! I actually didn't manage to see this film when it came out the second time. (I saw the original years ago.) I wasn't quite sure about Keanu in the role. I like him for certain things, but not for others.

BernardL said...

He did fine in the acting department as did the other actors and actresses with the script they were working with. In real life the Mom would have strangled the little boy in his sleep given the abuse she was taking from him. After the lights went out, my money's on her leaving him by the road-side in three days. :)

Stephen Parrish said...

Well, shit, now I want to see it.

Charles Gramlich said...

I liked your review better than the movie. That kid definitely needed to be strangled.

BernardL said...

Glad my review helped you decide, Stephen. I'm really screwed up, I thought you were one of the scriptwriter's on the movie. :)

Thanks, Charles. If they had an Oscar for most annoying kid of the year in movies, he would have won it hands down. :)

Vesper said...

Bernard, :-) :-) :-)!

I just love this review and your indignation!!! :-)

BernardL said...

I'm glad it made you laugh, Vesper. Such was my intent, along with purging the urge to put the rented copy of 'The Day the Earth Stood Still' in the oven for toasting. :)

Anonymous said...

You nailed it Bernie. I can't believe the putrid stuff running out of Hollywood these days. In a recession like this, you'd think they would be more respectful of our non-existent dollar. When I saw the trailer I knew they wouldn't be able to pull off the re-make. It's too bad they don't know how to make anything new let alone ruin the classics. Hey, go see Gran Torino, now that was pure Eastwood. little sis

BernardL said...

Thanks, Sis, I'm going to rent Gran Torino and see if it washes away TDTESS from my memory banks. :)

Barbara Martin said...

Good review and a movie I will avoid.

BernardL said...

Thanks, Barbara. That movie was not for everyone, especially me. :)