In Plain Sight... revisited

Oh boy… I saw the episode from ‘In Plain Sight’ I had on tape last night. Mother Jinx and Sister Brandi had a field day in one of the most pathos filled episodes of the season. The writers managed to make Mary into a raving lunatic in this episode as she co-opts the US Marshall’s service, belittles and eviscerates her co-workers, cries on her partner’s shoulder because of her treatment of Brandi (huh?), and in the end forgives the whacko FBI agent causing her all the grief. My Lord in heaven, could those two imbeciles Jinx and Brandi be more annoying? If I was Raphael, I’d make Mary get a locked safe for all the cutlery and sharp objects, not to mention guns. If he plans to stay in that house with Mary and her two loons Raph will need to take precautions against the certainty he will maim one of them. If USA Network doesn’t put a choke chain on In Plain Sight’s resident dung beetles, Jinx and Brandi, no amount of superlative acting by the rest of the cast will save this series. I know USA’s slogan is ‘Characters Wanted’ but Jinx and Brandi aren’t ‘Characters’. They’re a ticket to cancellation.

I have a storyline for them if they insist on keeping the ‘Cretins’. Move the new sister in and have her torture Jinx and Brandi every time Mary’s gone. I’m sure Raph can be convinced to keep it a secret. My apologies to any Jinx and Brandi fans out there… oh hell, belay that… I’m not sorry. :)

USA Network Roast

First, let me say I like the main characters and action in the TV show ‘In Plain Sight’. However… Mary, the US Marshall on the show houses her parasitic Mom (Jinx) and Sister (Brandi). I fast forward the moment I see either one appear on the screen. They are so annoying and dysfunctional, in real life if Mary shot them both in the head, everyone who knows them would volunteer for the burial detail, including cops and FBI agents.

The Mom and Sister are so maddening, in an episode involving Mary in a locked room having to shoot the Mom and Sister or a murderous drug dealer, I’d be rooting for the drug dealer. I’m praying USA Network is hanging on to these two toads for a sweeps week where they’re tortured and killed. I’d be happy, but the episode would be too far fetched. When her partner talked to Mary after they found Jinx and Brandi dead, Marshall would say something like:

“Don’t worry, Mar, we’ll get the bastards who did this.”

To make the plot believable for me after all those two whiney, self absorbed con artists put her through in prior episodes, Mary would have to reply:

“Yeah, they do nice work. Don’t worry. They’ll be stopping by my house later for their money. I’m a little light, Marshall, can you loan me five thou.”

The previews for this week have the FBI arresting Brandi for murder. What the episode should be about is a murder/suicide. Brandi kills Jinx in a fit of rage over Jinx falling off the wagon again and hurling all over Brandi’s stash of meth. Brandi then kills herself after she realizes she’ll be the most repulsive character on the show with Jinx gone.

* * *

Burn Notice gets the beef next in the USA Network’s line-up. I’m having Mom and Brother issues in this one. Michael’s Mom (Madeline) and Brother (Nate) were the most irritating family members on TV. The good news for Burn Notice is compared to In Plain Sight’s Mother/Daughter duo Jinx and Brandi, Madeline and Nate seem almost likeable. The bad news is every time Madeline and Nate make an appearance they’re with a main character. Note to USA Network – at least have the decency to keep these two loons together so I can fast forward through their appearances. Again… I’m praying for a sweeps week special where USA offs this pair for a ratings bonanza.

* * *

If the network’s interested I have a great crossover series for them. First, a vampire visits In Plain Sight’s Albuquerque locale and turns Jinx and Brandi into vamps. Marshall and Mary hunt down the vamp and stake him, but not before Jinx and Brandi escape to Miami using Mary’s Cuban baseball player boyfriend Raphael as the driver. Continued in Burn Notice.

Raphael, under threat of death, drives Jinx and Brandi to Miami with Marshall and Mary on their tail. The vamps hold up in Madeline and Nate’s house. It was a long drive so Jinx and Brandi drain Madeline and Nate into dry husks. Marshall and Mary arrive at the grisly scene too late. Jinx and Brandi had already made their getaway with the hapless Raphael. The US Marshalls team up with Michael, Fiona, and Sam – Mary knows now Jinx and Brandi must die. Michael and Sam track the pair to an abandoned shack in the Everglades where Raphael has activated his cell-phone GPS. Mary feels guilty because she’s secretly glad and insists on staking them herself when the team catches up to the pair in the Everglades. Fiona blows up the shack after Mary gleefully plunges two oaken ‘Mr. Pointy’s’ into Jinx and Brandi while Marshall holds them at bay with a cross. The stars then share lies about how much they’ll miss Jinx, Brandi, Madeline, and Nate while toasting each other with shots of Tequila at a local bar before going home. Now that’s entertainment. :)

Royal Pains

I’m following a new show called ‘Royal Pains’ on USA Network now, hoping it doesn’t get dropped before gaining an audience. Through quirk of fate, the rising star young doctor’s career plunges into oblivion when he saves a young man while a hospital big wig dies after being stabilized. Lawsuits and blackballing arrive – trophy fiancé departs. The doctor’s accountant brother hauls the doctor against his will to the ‘Hamptons’, trying to get the Doc’s mind off his troubles. The Doc saves a young rich woman at a mansion when the attending concierge doctor was seconds away from killing the woman with a misdiagnosis. Rich estate owner offers reluctant doctor Hank the ‘Hamptons’ concierge position and suddenly the Doc is on the Fortune 500’s fave-five for emergency treatments. As an added bonus Doc gets a luxury suite on the estate grounds with his brother. He’s like a medical ‘Magnum P.I.’. It has all the promising aspects of a hit – good cast, sharp dialogue, and decent plots so far.

The series killer lies in wait though. It takes the form of pathos and his new female acquaintance from the ‘Hamptons’ dread hospital for the lower crust. She’s a resident doctor with dreams of a free clinic for the unwanted. If USA Network delves into that angle more than a few minutes a month, they’ll kill this engaging show so fast they’ll think they’re in line for heart surgery in Cuba. I’m hoping the Doc’s accountant brother and new very thorough medical assistant pull Hank back from the free clinic cliché. It’s on Thursday nights. :)

Movie Review

I rented ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’ this past weekend. As the film dragged on, I kept hoping for Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum to show up and kick the crap out of the alien swarm. When Independence Day made a fortune at the box office, I mistakenly figured a string of well made flicks with us kicking alien ass would follow. Instead, Hollywood needed to get back in line –all the creatures of earth are sacred except us crappy humans. The all knowing alien had to travel a zillion miles for an earth professor (crappy human) to let him know we all change at the brink if we have a chance. Huh?! Hollywood managed to dump on everything they hate at one time here: America and our way of life. I bet the producers of this human snuff film clapped their hands in glee as they showed all the snakes, birds, and insects going into the spheres to be saved while barring the door to the blight on the universe: us human cockroaches. They didn’t show any dogs and cats going into the spheres because they love us and refused to go. :)

I noticed they didn’t show earth six months after Hollywood spared the human race by turning out our lights. That’s because there would have been no power to store food. We human cockroaches adapt when aliens take away civilization. The weak die and we eat anything that moves, just like the sacred animals. As in all simpleton solutions like the end of this movie, the shortsighted morons didn’t realize without civilization there would be no movies. After you dolts turn off the power, guess what? There’s nothing more useless for survival than producers, actors, and actresses. They consume but produce nothing. That could have been the reason earth six months in the future didn’t make the big screen – we would have eaten them. :)

"Klaatu barada nikto" Oh, bite me.